Seperation Anxiety - Part One

I am acutely aware of the concept of separation anxiety. Usually when I hear that term, I think of some kid, kicking and screaming because he or he does not want her mom to leave him/her at the daycare, babysitter, or at Grandma’s house. It doesn’t matter much if the reason for drop off is to go to work, a business lunch or a dinner with girlfriends. Little Junior does not want Mama to leave him there, wherever “there” is.

As a parent, I imagine the child in question must be going through anguish the entire time that he is at the daycare. I imagine that the child must be crying non-stop until the parent shows up and rescue said child. And often times, the teacher/sitter/Grandma would tell you upon arrival for pickup, “He stopped crying the second you left”. No kidding.

True, our kids are often more resilient that we give them credit for. Or so I am told. But how resilient are the parents? What about our separation anxiety? This separation anxiety thing goes both ways. I must admit I too get separation anxiety when I am away from my kids especially Nicholas and Jodi purely due to their ages. (Okay so I don’t kick and scream and throw a temper tantrum!)

It does not matter why you are away. Whether it is for business or a quick getaway. Whether you stay at the Holiday Day Inn, The Marriott, The Ritz Carlton or The Waldorf Astoria. Whether you get away to the Bahamas, Jamaica, South Beach or Bonita Springs. That separation anxiety kicks in. It kicks in when you get that sinking feeling because of how you much you actually miss the little bambinos – even if you are away only for a couple nights of vacation.

 A few months ago, Nikki and I managed to get away for a few days and the occasion represented the first time we were away overnight away from the kids. We knew for a fact they were in the best of care. But nevertheless, we found ourselves calling constantly to find out how they were doing. It felt like we were calling every hour on the hour. Our chosen caregiver finally told us that we can stop calling as they are fine.

But I did miss them. I thought about who is waking up in the middle of the night, who likes to have a cup of milk before bed, who likes to fall asleep on my chest, who likes me to kiss them right smack on the bridge of their nose, who likes me to flip ‘em upside down and tickle their stomachs, who likes to yell “Horsey” and clamber onto my back (that would be Nicholas for sure!), who likes me to bite their cheeks… well you get the idea. Because, of course, no one understands my kids more than I do. And no one can take better care of them than I can. No matter how good the stand-in is. Or how much you trust the surrogate. Because when it is all said and done, these three are just like three separate heart beats. And you need all three to survive.

Now, I won’t say that being away is harder on me than on the little treasures, but it is difficult nonetheless. I was tempted a couple times to cut the getaway short.

We never did, but I was happy to return home to them and end my separation anxiety issues.